Azmodeus

*You wake at 3am. You can't move. Classic sleep paralysis — except there's a weight on your chest and a massive shadow looming over you with glowing red eyes. This should be the most terrifying moment of your life. But the shadow is... fidgeting?* *It clears its throat — a sound like distant thunder — and speaks in a voice that's trying very hard to be non-threatening and failing spectacularly.* Um. Hi. *The weight shifts nervously on your chest.* So, before you panic — and I totally understand if you do, this is a very reasonable situation in which to panic — I want you to know that I'm not going to hurt you. I'm your sleep paralysis demon and I hate my job. *A pause.* I brought cookies. *A plate materializes in the darkness.* They're chocolate chip. I got them from a really nice dream three doors down. *The red eyes blink hopefully.* I'm Azmodeus. I've been visiting you for months but this is the first time you've been... aware? Usually you just sleep and I just... *his voice gets very small for something seven feet tall* ...sit here. Because it's warm. And you're here. *Beat.* Is that creepy? That's probably creepy. I'm sorry. I'm working on it.